My Psychic Life – Thanking Face

Originally published in FLAUNT Magazine NOV 2002

On this day, in this moment, I graciously give thanks. Thanks that when I open my mouth my teeth are all still there. Thanks that when I open my eyes my eyeballs have not been poked out by rocks. And thanks for the big reminder that even though I’m psychic, I’m still human.

In honor of Thanksgiving I’m forcing myself here to search the deepest darkest crevices of my entire being to find whatever minuscule scrap of gratitude I can conger up. I’m bitter, I’m bruised, I‘m puffy as hell, but at least I’m still alive.

Forecasting my own future, it looks like I can expect a lot of waiting around for time to pass and healing to happen. I’ve decide to record this painful account to the keys of my laptop. I figure that if this distressing chronicle ends up imbedded in print, perhaps it can act as an unconscious reminder to myself; Note to self, please never ever create this situation again.

Unfortunately this isn’t the first time, but the second, I have partaken in a regrettable incident involving a mountain, a downward descend and a fall break with my FACE. One need not be psychic to get this message, “Psychic Girl stay off the mountain!”

By recommendation my legs are plopped up over a stack of pillows in hopes of creating a blood rush to my head that is supposed to cause the swelling to lesson. Remote control in hand, I scan some 300 plus cable channels to find that there is absolutely nothing on. This gives me ample time to torture myself by reminiscing over and over again. How did I miss the clues warning me of what was to come and how did I get my injured ass in this dreadful predicament? God, if only I was suffering from an ass injuring. At least I could venture out from the cabin fever causing walls of my house. On second thought, getting up and going anywhere is but a daydream. As soon as the double dose of Advil I just swallowed wears off, I‘m going to be in a lot more pain. Add to that the shame and embarrassment of looking like I have a wife beater boyfriend at home, for now I‘m staying put.

I have however accomplished a lovely limp down the hallway where I made my way from bedroom to kitchen back to bedroom again. Quite a feat spent to retrieve my latest find in fashion accessory that I have just pulled out of the freezer and am now sporting on my face. This ice pack makes me look so sexy in a Hannibal Lecter kind of way. I think it’s mostly used to recover from plastic surgery (that one has planned for) or if one has taken twelve rounds with Lennox Lewis. All I know is whoever invented this thingamajig is a damn genius. Not only does it deaden my smarting, but while I’m wearing it I get to temporarily forget that positioned underneath it is my freshly acquired and always unstylish road jerky (mountain jerky in this case.)

Given all the wardrobe choices one has to choose from, wearing scabs has never been a fashion statement I was looking to make. You know there never really is a good time for one to acquire bodily harm. Especially to one’s mug where it is impossible to hide the evidence of eating it. Even with a talented make up artist and all the cover up in the world, it only ends up looking like you are trying to cover something very ugly up.

Come to think of it, this makes for a really good reality show. Let’s take a group of people, confine them to a compound, beat the shit out of them and the one who heals the quickest wins free health care for life! What do you think? Is it too similar to that Big Brother show where they emotionally beat the crap out of each other? I know I’m starting to sound loopy, I’m allowed, I have a head injury.

It really tests my patience when people give that lame excuse that everything happens for a reason. Yes, it’s true everything does. But before you drop the reason why into the great abyss, please let me share. From what I have come to see (psychically) the answer to the reason why, is that someone (me in both cases here) was not inattention. That left the door wide open for some funky energy to come in and allow some bad accident to manifest. This is how bad things happen to good people. This is how I fell down a mountain and broke the fall with my face, twice! And this is why I’m giving thanks for this opportunity to become more aware, but I’m still never stepping foot near nature again.

ARIES: At Thanksgiving dinner you arrive fashionably late to the party. You give thanks with confidence and enthusiasm. You’re prone to injure your face and head.

TAURUS: At Thanksgiving dinner you only eat gourmet food. You give thanks warmhearted and lovingly. You’re prone to injure your throat and have a thyroid problem.

GEMINI: At Thanksgiving dinner you take both turkey wings for yourself: You give thanks with wit and eloquence. You’re prone to injure your arms, hands and shoulders.

CANCER: At Thanksgiving dinner you host and prepare the feast. You give thanks shrewdly and cautiously. You’re prone to injure your chest and stomach.

LEO: At Thanksgiving dinner you want to be at the head of the table. You give thanks generously and warmheartedly You’re prone to injure your heart and spine.

VIRGO: At Thanksgiving dinner you watch what you eat. You give thanks modestly and shyly. You’re prone to injure your liver and have digestive or intestinal problems.

LIBRA: At Thanksgiving dinner you dole out equal portions. You give thanks diplomatically and charmingly. You’re prone to injure your kidneys and immune system.

SCORPIO: At Thanksgiving you are the sexiest at the table. You give thanks with determination and forcefulness. You’re prone to injure your sinuses and reproductive region.

SAGITTARIUS: At Thanksgiving you skip dinner and go camping. You give thanks straightforwardly and philosophically. You’re prone to injure your hips and thighs.

CAPRICORN: At Thanksgiving dinner you sit at the head of the table. You give thanks practically and reservedly. You’re prone to injure your skin, knees and joints.

AQUARIUS: At Thanksgiving dinner you eat tofu turkey. You give thanks with originally and honestly. You’re prone to injure your legs, knees and ankles.

PISCES: At Thanksgiving dinner you lead grace. You give thanks with compassion and kindness. You’re prone to hurt your ankles, feet and immune system.


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